


who he fights for

by vardaesque (neonheartbeat)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Frigga Feels, Loki Angst, Other, Thor: The Dark World, Thor: The Dark World Spoilers, norse family feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-08
Updated: 2013-12-08
Packaged: 2018-01-04 02:19:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1075384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neonheartbeat/pseuds/vardaesque





	who he fights for

He waits until the guard is out of sight and earshot before getting to his feet and closing his book—

_the book she sent to him, sent with all the others, the books he pretended to be bored by and read voraciously, reading them again and again and again—_

he turns around, keeping his face expressionless and placid. No one will see him break. He carefully casts a spell to hide himself in the cell, to gloss over the scene inside, to block all sound from within—

_—just as she taught him to, so long ago, head straight foot back shoulders square and don’t lose your concentration and never leave a spell unfinished my son or the consequences will be dire—_

The golden light shimmers as his fists clench and he shivers. His furniture bounces off the wall, scraping the pristine floor. He wants it to break. The desire to maim and break and destroy consumes him like fire and he flings green light into the walls, throws his books against the wall, lifts his bed and throws it across the cell.

He doesn’t realize he’s screaming until his own ears begin to tingle from the incessant barrage of sound. Tears are tracking hot down his face and he can’t quite see the walls anymore. His mirror still stands, and he rips off his left shoe and flings it at the thing, cracking the dwarf-made glass and fracturing his reflection into twenty screaming shards.

_The mirror she brought from your old rooms to make you feel more at home, the one Thor drew on when you were both children and you cried for a day because the marks wouldn’t come off but Mother magicked it off in the end in the end Mother made everything all right Mother made Mother Mother—_

Loki screams and grips the mirror with both hands and flings it onto the floor, stomping down into the glass face, shattering it. He feels a stab of pain in his bare foot and oh, yes, that’s real and that hurts and that—

He tears off his jacket, staggers sideways trying to stem the flow of blood, drops the jacket, falls. Furious at his own incompetence, he lashes out again and every book in the cell explodes into scraps of paper, some softly falling to the floor like snow, others flapping sadly down like dead birds.

Loki huddles against the wall, shaking like a leaf, and buries his head in his arms.

"Mother," he gasps, every syllable torn from his lips, pained, sharp at the edges and bitter in his mouth. "Mother—I’m sorry—I’m so sorry."

If one of the guards had happened to look at the cell holding Asgard’s most dangerous criminal, they would have seen only Loki, sitting on the floor reading a book as usual. Once or twice, perhaps, they might have caught a glimmer of green as the glamour flickered, but nothing to arouse suspicion.

Inside, Loki sobs until his throat is dry and his eyes have no more tears, and then he curls up on the floor, on a bed of broken glass and torn paper and cold stone—

_—he’s in bed with his big brother, warm and safe and sleepy, and it’s nearly dusk and Amma is reading them a bedtime story, a story about the Dark Elves and their brave grandfather Bor who fought them long ago._

_"Are the Elves all dead?" asks Thor, his wide blue eyes staring up at Amma._

_"Yes, my son. You have no reason to fear them", says Amma, and kisses Thor on the head, her gold hair falling down around her shoulders and tickling Loki’s nose._

_Loki wants Amma’s kisses too. “Amma,” he asks, “will they never ever come back?”_

_"No," she says. "No, Loki, they will not. And if they do, then I shall take my old sword up and your father and I will fight them."_

_"I will fight to save Loki," says Thor, grabbing Loki in a child’s hug, like a death-grip about the neck. "You and Father will fight to save us and I will fight to save Loki."_

_And Amma laughs and agrees and kisses them both and closes the book and leaves them in the soft dusky bedroom, and Thor’s breathing slows and Loki thinks—_

_But who will I fight to save?_

He knows the answer to that question now, in his cell surrounded by her last gifts to him.

He knows.

_I wanted to tell you I did not mean it—to kiss you goodbye—to see you sail away into Valhalla, Amma._

_I did not, and I am sorry._

_I am sorry._

_I am sorry._


End file.
